Today I had to change my password at work. Our passwords expire and must be changed or you get locked out of the system. This password is used for most things I do on a daily basis. I had to sign in everything again, not just on my desktop but my phone, my iPad and my laptop.  It was kind of a pain. I probably lost a total 5 to 10 minutes on this throughout the day. Not only was this annoying, but I had to retrain my fingers to type my password. Sixth months of the same password I never had to think about what I was typing, my fingers just hit the right keys. Now I have to think about it and watch myself type it slowly. And of course, the first time every time I punched in the wrong password. I have to retrain my brain and body all for a silly password.

So change can be a pain in the butt. It’s not easy. If it had been my choice I would have kept my old password and moved on with my life. The thing is, six months ago I probably would’ve said the same thing about my old password. Actually, I know I would have. But I didn’t get a choice, change had to be made. And in a week my brain will trained to use the new one.

Last week I stopped in a few professional development classes. I mostly went to see what they were learning so when I help teachers with tech, I can have an idea what they are focusing on curriculum-wise. In a science PD they were looking at the engineering strand of the new science standards. Those that know me know how happy this makes me. But while talking to one teacher I over heard another. She was bragging that all of her grades come from daily quizzes. She gives kids quizzes on their homework everyday. And she was bragging about it. Bragging. All while doing an activity that went through the process of planning engineering based lessons. You know, ones that would have offered authentic assessment.  She was like me today and still going back to that old password. Even though the old password doesn’t work anymore, she’s still typing it in. And yes she was also complaining that they never study. Password is invalid.

Later I went to a math PD. Teachers were planning lessons that focused on math concepts. Hands on activities that encouraged math talk, higher level thinking beyond the formulas. Immediately when I walked in, like as I walked through the door, a teacher says “Hey Amanda, not being ugly (southerners say this before saying something mean) but I have no need for GAFE. I’m a math teacher. There is no need for it when I need kids to work problems and that’s too hard in docs.” Totally caught me off guard. I was speechless. Finally looked at him and said that I hoped he was doing more than just having kids work formulas. Then I promised him a list of ways he could use it. But you see, as I walked around the room and looked at the lessons being planned, I could see ways to use GAFE with each one. No it’s not easy to work formulas in Docs, but the formulas are just one part of learning math. I started worrying if the lessons being planned were actually going to be used. I really hope they go back to the schools and use the new passwords instead of keep using the old passwords that we know do not work alone.

Change does suck but you don’t always get a choice. When we see change needs to occur, or when we are told change needs to occur, we need to start taking the steps towards the change instead of resisting. We have experts who are guiding us to make those changes, so take their advice, learn on them for help. The faster we start making the change, the easier the change will be. And one day we will look back and forget the old way. Just like we forget those old passwords we never use anymore.

Take a moment and think about one thing you are really bad at. Something you have tried to do over and over and you just can’t do it. If it’s art, your hands just won’t draw what you want them to. If it’s math, those numbers just don’t make sense, no matter how much you memorize the visual isn’t there. Practice doesn’t always make perfect, no matter how hard you try. Some things we just don’t have the coordination for or our brain just isn’t wired that way.

Now imagine if that one thing you couldn’t do was something everyone else could. What if it was something you had to do everyday. And every time you failed, someone pointed it out, loudly. That is how my elementary and middle school life was everyday I walked into the school. I could not sit still and quiet for hours a day. I tried every single day. But no matter how hard I tried, I never could make it to the end of the day. It was so frustrating and eventually my self esteem suffered.

I have ADHD. I’m not embarrassed by it, or I’m not anymore. My parents didn’t realize it because teachers never told them. Probably didn’t because that was a “boy problem” when I was growing up. For some reason boys in my class couldn’t help it, but I was just causing trouble. Teachers disliked me and my grades dropped. I started reading books at age 2 but was failing 6th grade reading. That’s a problem.

Over time I learned to deal. It blows my mind I went through grad school twice  without medicine. I do take medicine now, but that took me years to realize it was OK to admit weakness. I’m OK with admitting the weakness now as well as I’m OK asking for help.

I tell this story because often ADHD students get a bad rap. Or ADHD itself does. And though it is more understood than it was back when I was in school, I feel like unless you live with it, you would probably be surprised at things people with ADHD deal with daily. It’s so much more than trying to sit still in a desk. So here are some things that I, and others, deal with that you probably never thought of being part of ADHD:

1. I actually can sit still for hours at a time, but it’s usually because I’m ‘hyper-attentive” of something. Like reading a book. I can read a book for hours and not stop to eat or even sleep. I’ve had a lot of parents say to me “he doesn’t have ADHD because he can sit in front of TV/xbox for hours.” Hyper-attention is just as big as a problem as anything else.

2. I’m just going to be late. I’m not being disrespectful of your time, there was just something that caught my attention and I didn’t know it. Even more in the mornings. I hate morning Amanda. Plus medicine doesn’t kick in until later. Students with ADHD aren’t late to your class on purpose, they just got wrapped up in a conversation or looking for something. Or even stayed after last class finishing something because they didn’t hear the bell.

3. I didn’t forget on purpose. Ever fill a cup until it overflowed? That’s my brain. Too much is going in, so other stuff ran out. I didn’t forget on purpose. Grocery store is a nightmare. I know something will be forgotten. And don’t tell me to make a list, I’ll forget the list. Don’t give students with ADHD more than one thing at a time to do. Especially oral list. If you do give a list make a check list. But don’t get mad if they just 1/2 finish every thing on the list. They can’t finish #2 on the list because started to think about #3.

4. I’m a picky eater. A lot of kids on ADHD are always getting hounded about eating because the medicine messes with appetite. So I see parents or teachers saying they have to eat everything off their plate. More than likely they don’t like stuff on their plates. Foods with odd textures (I get made fun of a lot because I hate potatoes and fries) or very strong smells, like seafood, are huge turn offs. Can’t even drink coffee because of the hot liquid. I get very overwhelmed by it and can’t enjoy the food. Don’t force it, find things they like. Chocolate or vanilla ice cream or milkshakes are great at fighting weight loss and or bland. Smells are the same way. I can lose hours of concentration because of a strong smell.

5. I do not sleep and rarely take naps. You can’t sleep if your brain cannot stop. I will go 3 days on 6 hours of sleep. If I do sleep, I usually toss and turn, even kick off covers. That means I have lack of sleep. Students with ADHD may have gone a few nights without sleep. Not good for learning. Also, ADHD meds are stimulants, if your student had caffeine added to that, they can go 24 hours without sleep.

6. I can snap. Not meaning to. But the impulsiveness that comes with ADHD can transfer over when I become angry. It’s humiliating, I don’t want to, I really cannot help it. Don’t hold it against your students personally when that happens. Notice signs that it may be coming, probably because someone is getting on there nerves doing one of the things I’ve listed.

7. If there is a crowd, you’ll find me in the corner. A quiet corner. It’s ironic because in a quiet room I’m probably the loudest and demand the most attention, but in a loud room, I’m the quietest. I get very overwhelmed and shut down. Remember this when you have activities in class that are loud and chaotic, students with ADHD may need to work in the hall or a quiet corner.

8. I can’t memorize things. Especially multiplication tables. I still don’t know them. I’m a pretty smart math brain but there is no memorization. I can do and understand calculus, but that doesn’t get you through 3rd grade math. Just get over it. Make sure students know why or how to figure it out, stop with the stop watches already. Speed and knowledge are not equals.

9. Repetition of sounds will make lose my mind. Tapping of a pencil will seriously have me shaking. Yes I know sometimes kids with ADHD do the tapping or humming, but they can’t handle others doing it. If you notice a kid doing that just walk by them and stop them before they start annoying others. Also, don’t put students with ADHD near each other or near the kid that does tap. Remember #6 above? Yeah that’s the number one thing that will make me snap.

10. I’m not organized. I am in my world but only because I had to make an effort to learn how to be organized for me. The worst thing on earth is a big binder with tabs. The school I used to work with required kids to have binders. Papers would come out and they would forget to put them back or at least in order. But a spiral notebook where I don’t have to take anything out, now we are talking. Also, it will take me weeks to get more paper once running out because can’t remember to get some. And stay away from locker, it’s a nightmare.

This is just a list of 10. I could make a list of 100. But I wanted to point this out because I see students all the time getting in trouble for things their brain really cannot control. No matter how hard they try they can’t do some things as well as others. You don’t yell at students for not being able to draw or understand math or read, but it’s become OK to yell at or punish students for not being able to sit still or for doing one of the 10 in the list above. Here are things that I was punished for or made failing grades because of in school: notebook checks, not ignoring the annoying kid tapping, Fs for not memorizing, made to participate in loud activities, in trouble for being sleepy, and being late. This doesn’t even include the typical, can’t sit still, won’t stop talking, etc. Thank God Class Dojo was not invented when I was in school or I think often that my self-esteem may not even have recovered. Could you imagine losing a point or mom getting an email for things you cannot help?? Some times we think we are just trying to teach self control, but please remember they are trying, they are just having a harder time teaching their brain to do something it was not made to do. I hope reading my story creates just a small bit of empathy towards students in your classroom. Put yourself in their shoes before you punish them.

We all have a hero. Someone who shapes our thinking, our opinions, and how we handle situation. I have a hero. Lucky for me I lived with my hero for almost 20 years. She’s my mom.

No one on earth could ever compare to Vicky Countryman in my eyes from the time I was old enough to hero worship. As I get older and as she gets older, I realize just how amazing she really is. Watching her go to work with her chemo in her purse and it still plugged into her port or last year going to work in Nike’s because she has 4 plates in her leg from a roller skating accident was pretty darn inspiring. She has strength I wish I had. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Friday night my hero retired. She had worked at the same place since the day after her high school graduation. Forty four years later she retired as AVP of compliance for one of the largest credit unions in my state. Pretty good career if you ask me. I decided to go to her good bye at work (in typical Vicky fashion she refused a party because thought the attention was silly). I’m so glad I went because once again she inspired me.

You hear often of parents feeling pride when they hear compliments about their kids, I felt this pride for my parent. As her boss and she talked about their career together my mom became my hero again. Here’s why:

1. She started by saying how proud she was of everyone in the room. She spoke of the people sitting there and told them why she was proud of them. Talked about their growth personally and in the company. Most people don’t focus on others during a time like this.

2. She said she was asked for advice from a coworker and her advice was this “laugh it off, don’t take this place so seriously.” I love this. We all need to do this more. I am a big believer in laughing at what life gives you. You have to.

3. She ended with this, “everyday I leave here, the first thing I ask myself is ‘who did I help today?’ I’m back office staff, my job is to support those who are working with the public and are on the front lines of our company. If I’m not supporting them, I’m not doing my job. Now let’s eat cake.”

That last statement really hit me hard. As an instructional tech coach, I’m back office, my job is exactly what my mom’s was, to support those on the front lines. Those in the classrooms, in the schools, who are working with our students. Teachers need support everyday. I know what it like being in a classroom, I hope I never forget what they deal with every day. I don’t want to go into my schools and throw them a bunch of information and put unrealistic expectations on them. I also don’t want to walk out of a building without every teacher knowing that I’m there for them. First thing I do is give them my email. While I can’t be in the classroom of all 10,000 teachers in my district I can make sure when they reach out to me through email I can help them as quickly as possible. I sometimes feel like I’m drowning in emails and friends tell me so many times that I don’t have to answer all 40 something I get a day, if it is from a teacher, yes I do. That’s my job. That’s what I want to do, not push them off on someone else, help them the best I can. I’m not there yet, I have a lot of improvement before I am as helpful as she was. I need to judge less and ask what I can do to help more. I want to be that support system and over time I hope I will be.

Will I ever help as many people as my mom? Probably not. I don’t expect to. As she and I walked out of her office one last time, she said talked about how hard that ‘non party’ was. She said it was weird bc most people get cake everyone says bye and they leave and she couldn’t figure out why everyone kept sticking around talking to her and giving her the most thoughtful gifts. I probably looked at her like she grew another head. She didn’t get it. She reached her goal. She helped everyone. She was their support. I’m pretty lucky to have a hero like her, I’ve been fortunate enough to learn from her for 33 years now and can’t wait to learn from her 33 more.